I Do Not Dream of Labour
It is somewhat funny, that when I have a pile of overtime er… piled up, instead of going somewhere nice I decide to spend a week at home faffing about while making and fixing things, fantasy shopping The Good Tools™, and consuming near lethal quantities of koeksisters. Of course, family time was also multi-threaded in there, but I won’t strut around here humblebragging about Dadmaxing, but you can imagine.
Also, so, so much Factorio:
My staycation was a delight. Despite some deep time on the computer for the ol’ “What if my career, but game” it was a breath of fresh air to not be on the cursed collection of silicon and rare metals each day for work. My typical day went about as follows:
- 05:30 -
InVoluntarily wake up to make my wife coffee and having morning bonding time with the babby - 07:00 - Walk down to the beach with family and hound to get a hot chocolate and practice staring out at the ocean like Jack Aubrey
- 08:00 - Breakfast, shower, pick up nanny
- 09:00 - 11:00 - Amble about my workshop, doing a little bit of cleaning, a little bit of organisation, sitting on thinking chair and thinking some thonks
- 11:00 - 13:00 - Frenzied making, forgetting about any kind of human sustenance, listening to podcasts until I’m reminded of the frailty of my flesh
- 13:00 - Sustenance
- 14:00 - 14:05 - Admire my handiwork
- 14:05 - Do something silly that shuts down physical work for the day, like do a glue up or varnish something
- 15:00 - Space out thinking about the A20 line and the 286
- 16:00 - 18:00 - Reading
- 18:00 - Dinner, bathtime and bedtime for the child
- 19:00 - Dinner and wholesome British crafting show, evening wind-down and emotionally connecting with my wife
- 23:00 - Sleepytime
See anything more advanced than a brushless motor in there? Ignore the 286, that’s basically a dorito.
Anyway, sounds pretty good? Yeah, it was great, I spent a lot of time thinking how nice it would be to do this more regularly, and that leads us to the topic of dreaming of labour.
In my (probably) neurodivergent nature, I like to dwell on things. The last few weeks have been filled with a lot of soul searching and navel gazing as I consider my work, my career, and what that trajectory might look like for the next few years. Right now, I am in undoubtedly an enviable position. My work is mostly meaningful and interesting. I have broad latitude with my time. I live in easy cycling distance from my office.
But, is that enough? Is it enough to clock in and out (metaphorically speaking), sitting in a comfortable groove? Many would say yes. I’m not so sure.
I do not dream of labour. I dream of restlessness. I dream of learning, of making things, of helping people. I dream of not bending binary to my will, at least, not all the time.
Much of that is strongly arguable to be labour, but not labour in the negative sense as AI dudebros like to evangelise, but labour as in the valued craft of your mind and skills. I just want it to be a bit more tangible. There was a viral post going around a few months ago about the ideal career path for a programmer (this is Feng Yuan for those who are curious):
Like a siren call I sometimes think of completely changing my career, but is that a realistic option? The risk profile seems to say no. I feel I’m pretty good at what I’m doing now, and I’m not sure if I have the mental strength to submit my family to the tumultuous seas of something completely orthogonal right now. That doesn’t mean I can’t try to chart a course to there, wherever it may be.
Practically, right now, that means protecting my personal time. Work wise, continuing to learn new things, excel at what I’m doing, and see what will challenges me next. I am lucky to be able to do that where I am right now. Will that change, yes, but everything changes eventually, even you dear reader.
What I dream of is to effectively use the time I have. I don’t need to work extra to prove the value of my contributions, I need to protect the time I have for family and creativity outside of work. I think one of the hardest lessons I have learnt as I get older is that there is simply not enough time for everything. That is youthful hubris for people less tired than I. I don’t think it’s in my nature to make just one thing my jam until the end of days, and it never will be, but prioritisation and letting go has been happening. Whether that is a hobby or personal project, it’s hard to accept that you don’t have to do or know everything.
I’ll settle for approximate knowledge of many things and time to listen to my son laugh.
I’m not sure I’ve said everything I want to say, but this does feel like a net positive, and my mind is becalmed, so for now I go to sleep.